2012

I finally found my old meaningful blog. My last post was 2 years ago, wow how time flies !!! Its 2012 now and I'm back in Miri for good. Its been 3 months since I'm back. This blog means everything to me now. There's a song that was dedicated from me to you. Yes you !!! You used to be my friend, my best friend, my boyfriend and a soulmate but now we are separated. We were separated by distance and now we are separated forever. I never knew how much you mean to me until i lose you. I wish I never had said those words or even type those messages to you. Until today, I still pray and ask God that somehow you will come back into my life just ONCE more, maybe not now but near future, when the time is right, when i finally change myself into a better person, a person that appreciates and have patience. I used to think that others never appreciates the things I do, however, I realize in the end, it was me that never appreciates the things others do for me, especially YOU !!!! I pray to God that you would give me a chance or give us a chance. I really love and miss you a lot. I know i have said things that hurt you deep and i wish i never had said those words. I wish i had confidence in you and in us and I'm sorry that i never fight for your rights. Im sorry for my selfishness, never understanding how you felt and what you were going through. I was stupid and naive. All of this never cross my mind, never once, not until I came back then realized you are avoiding and ignoring me. I always take things for granted, everything going my way, but then you are the first person to finally make me realize that not everything goes to what i want in life. You made me realize that i need to appreciate and have patience.

Today, I happen to look into this app on Facebook "On this day, God wants you to know"... and i came across this:
On this day, God wants you to know.. that the most common regret is not living a life true to yourself.
Have the courage to live a life true to yourself, not the life others expect of you. You can start small, but do start honoring at least some of your dreams.

This message really strikes me deep, and the first thing that came across my mind was you. I never fight for our relationship, I never had the courage instead i live the life others expect from me causing me to ask for the break up and now i really really regret. I always thought my parents disagreed with our relationship but in fact, they never did. I guess I assume to much in life. I hurt you then and now I'm hurt myself. Every night, I would pray to God and ask that you would come back into my life. I need you. But if you no longer love me anymore, I can accept, well i will accept because I no longer deserve you. A girl who appreciates you deserves you more than I do.

For now, I just wish you are happy with the girl you are with now. I promise to myself that I will not interfere your relationship with her. But,if she happen to not deserve you, I'm still waiting for you, hoping that you will come back to me, but I will not be this selfish. I do pray that you deserve what u really deserve that is a girl loves you and appreciates everything you do for her.

I still continue to pray for you, everyday of my life !!!

I wish to have a future together.............

Pi, I LOVE YOU !!!!