Still trying ....

"Letting go of your past is not to forget, or block memories, or stop to think about, or pretend the feelings are not there. It’s about the ability to think about your past with no feelings of anger, jealousy, hurt or regret.

Letting go is not about wishing things could have been different and dwelling in the past. It isn’t about thinking sad memories that leave you empty and hurt. It isn’t about loss or defeat.

To let go is to cherish the good memories, learning and growing. It’s about being thankful for the experiences that once made you laugh, made you cry, made you who you are today. It’s about having the courage to accept that people change and things change. It’s about having the strength to overcome the pain and move on. It’s about all that you had, all that you have and all that you will gain if you were to let go. Letting go is to release your past and grow and live for your present and your future"

2012

I finally found my old meaningful blog. My last post was 2 years ago, wow how time flies !!! Its 2012 now and I'm back in Miri for good. Its been 3 months since I'm back. This blog means everything to me now. There's a song that was dedicated from me to you. Yes you !!! You used to be my friend, my best friend, my boyfriend and a soulmate but now we are separated. We were separated by distance and now we are separated forever. I never knew how much you mean to me until i lose you. I wish I never had said those words or even type those messages to you. Until today, I still pray and ask God that somehow you will come back into my life just ONCE more, maybe not now but near future, when the time is right, when i finally change myself into a better person, a person that appreciates and have patience. I used to think that others never appreciates the things I do, however, I realize in the end, it was me that never appreciates the things others do for me, especially YOU !!!! I pray to God that you would give me a chance or give us a chance. I really love and miss you a lot. I know i have said things that hurt you deep and i wish i never had said those words. I wish i had confidence in you and in us and I'm sorry that i never fight for your rights. Im sorry for my selfishness, never understanding how you felt and what you were going through. I was stupid and naive. All of this never cross my mind, never once, not until I came back then realized you are avoiding and ignoring me. I always take things for granted, everything going my way, but then you are the first person to finally make me realize that not everything goes to what i want in life. You made me realize that i need to appreciate and have patience.

Today, I happen to look into this app on Facebook "On this day, God wants you to know"... and i came across this:
On this day, God wants you to know.. that the most common regret is not living a life true to yourself.
Have the courage to live a life true to yourself, not the life others expect of you. You can start small, but do start honoring at least some of your dreams.

This message really strikes me deep, and the first thing that came across my mind was you. I never fight for our relationship, I never had the courage instead i live the life others expect from me causing me to ask for the break up and now i really really regret. I always thought my parents disagreed with our relationship but in fact, they never did. I guess I assume to much in life. I hurt you then and now I'm hurt myself. Every night, I would pray to God and ask that you would come back into my life. I need you. But if you no longer love me anymore, I can accept, well i will accept because I no longer deserve you. A girl who appreciates you deserves you more than I do.

For now, I just wish you are happy with the girl you are with now. I promise to myself that I will not interfere your relationship with her. But,if she happen to not deserve you, I'm still waiting for you, hoping that you will come back to me, but I will not be this selfish. I do pray that you deserve what u really deserve that is a girl loves you and appreciates everything you do for her.

I still continue to pray for you, everyday of my life !!!

I wish to have a future together.............

Pi, I LOVE YOU !!!!

Running

Sometimes I can see myself running.
But what am I running from?
I'm running from life.
It's impossible to get away.
Running away is not the answer
To any problem you may have
It will not go away
It will follow after you
Running away is for the weak
Who think they can give up
When there is no such thing
Running away only makes it worst
On you and those you love
Stay and face your problems head on
Running away never did solve anything
Sometimes I wish I could just close my eyes,
And then things would be different.
I just want to be somebody.
I don't know if I can, but I'll try.
I've messed up in my life more then once.
But at least I'm still alive.
But do I want to be?
Yes . . . I do.
People mess up all the time.
It's no reason to just run away.
If you do, your problems will wait for you.
You just gotta move on.
You have to except what you've done.
Just can't sit and feel sorry for yourself.
Life's not that bad.
It's what you make it out to be.
There will be good and bad times.
Sometimes more bad then good.
Either way it's life.
I would never want to change my life.
Even though I've messed up in the past.
I think it made me a stronger person.
So instead of running,
I'll stay and take life as it is!

LIFE

Life

Some people might say life sucks
or life is full of shit
While other people say life is beautiful
or life is full of surprises
I must say, I agree with all those
Life is whatever you think of it..and everything you think of it
Life is what you make it of it and what you say of it.

Life is about sadness
Life is about happiness
Life is about pain
Life is miserable
Life is about loss
Life is about smiling
Life is about crying
Life is about love
Life is about laughter
Life is about learning from your mistakes
Life is horrible
Life is dumb
Life is awesome
Life is depression
Life is tears
Life is sorrow
Life is anxiety
Life is Bullshit
Life stinks
Life sucks
I could go on and on and tell you all about life
But I'm not here to sort this out for you

coz..

Life is all about you and how you treat it
You criticizes it...well, you're actually criticizing yourself
You like it, you hate it..well, its all up to you
Life is you so be careful how you describe it

Dedicated to my dear dear pipi

My boy Lollipop
You make my heart go giddy-up
You are as sweet as candy
you're my sugar dandy

Oh, oh
My boy Lollipop
Never, ever leave me.
Because it would grieve me.
My heart told me so!

I love you, I love you, I love you so
But I don't want you to know
I need you, I need you, I need you so
And I'll never let you go

My boy Lollipop
You make my heart go giddy-up
You set the world on fire
You are my one desire
Oh, my Lollipop

I love you, I love you, I love you so
But I don't want you to know
I need you, I need you, I need you so
And I'll never let you go

My boy Lollipop
You make my heart go giddy-up
You set the world on fire
You are my one desire
Oh, my Lollipop
Oh, my Lollipop
My boy Lollipop
My boy Lollipop

snow day !!! 02-02-09

View Full Album

05/01/09

Whose that annoying person behind??

Day 2 in Manchester

Petola

Rabbit meat cook in Ginseng style

Sea bass

Supper at Mcd- Apple pie

gUESS how much this two "petola" cost??
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ONLY 0.19 Pound each!!!! LOL

Dreamssssss

Dreams dreams dreams .......................................................

My mood today hasn't been good. Why?? Wanna know why?? I will tell you why......

How does it feel to wake up early in the morning from a dream that you wish you never had dream about it.

How does it feel when you dreamt someone passing away

How does it feel when you couldn't tell that dream to that person

How does it feel to keep it deep in you heart

Because all you wished was that the dream never happened because it was someone whom you love and cared.

HoMe is where the HeArT is

Secrete Recipe

MAS business class back home

KLIA Express to KL ( Like mother like daughter )

Pictures taken during my summer holiday back home and KL trip.

I miss MY FAMILY !!!!!

23rd MAY 2009..............